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Here I go again...

 Here I go again, starting another blog. Consistency is not my thing, clearly. I have gone through all my blogs again and smiled and my young thoughts. I have been wanting to write again, but I keep trying to go with a theme, and I am just not the type of person that can focus on one theme. I like all the things. I want to talk about all the things. I wish I had more people to talk to, but I have a very tiny circle of friends and I don't want them to get sick of me talking because I could probably talk for HOURS about so many of these things because I am a nerd. So, I decided I need to start writing again as an outlet so I can be semi normal in conversations and not word vomit all over anyone who shows the vaguest of interest in me and my life. (And also it will help me give my poor sweet husband a break). 

Another hang up I keep having as I start blog after blog is that I want it to be PERFECT. Perfect, dang it!! I want to have it researched with sources and convincing rhetoric and beautiful prose, or whatever....but it never is perfect and it never will be. And I realized when I was a kid, I didn't worry about writing to be perfect. I just wrote, and loved it.

And lastly, I have been writing all these blogs for all these years for OTHER PEOPLE. Not because I like to write. Because I hope to help someone or share my wisdom or whatever. Not bad motives of course, but when I wasn't helping someone or people thought I wasn't wise, then my motivation would fizzle out. So I've realized that when I was a kid and wrote, I did it for me. Because it was fun. Because I enjoyed it. Not to please anyone (although that was a fun benefit) or change anyone's mind (all though I'd love that too) but because I just loved getting lost in words and writing. So this time around, my hope is to allow myself to enjoy writing and not worry so much about what anyone thinks about my writing. If people enjoy it or learn from me, then that is absolutely wonderful too (because I do love helping others, SO much) but if they don't I will keep writing because I'm doing it because I love it.

And I do love it. I love words. I love putting the things in my busy busy brain down into neat, orderly -ish words.  I love writing and having those "aha" moments as I write. I love sharing about myself, my life, my weirdness, the things I've learned. I love talking too, but I don't have very many people to talk to, so writing makes me feel like I have someone to talk to (Wow, that sounds sort of depressing). 

So, here I go again, little me, starting to write. I will write about all the things without rules. I will write for the love of writing. I will write to heal and grow and learn. I will write all the things I want. Maybe daily, maybe monthly, maybe more than once a day. No rules. I will write and do it for the love of it. 

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