Writing For the Love of It

 Okay, I am writing three blog posts in one night. I have way too much on my brain, clearly. But I just need to write about this profoundly moving experience I had today. I've got to put it here so I can remember the lessons I learned/relearned/remembered. Today was...rough. One of my children who is far too old to pee on the couch, peed on the couch. And then I found poop on the wall from another child. My three were fighting and cranky all day. I slept terrible last night so I was also feeling terrible irritable and the poop and pee everywhere did not help my state of mind.  We were invited to see a movie with cousins and Grandma and Grandpa. It was supposed to be a fun thing, a peaceful family outing. But driving there my kids were yelling and fighting again and I was both livid at my kids yet also sad that I was livid and cranky with them. Then as we walked up to the theater, I saw S in front of me, skipping happily and excitedly and thought "Wow, he is just so happy and c

 I have always LOVED writing about myself. Why? I don't know, but I think it has something to do with the fact that I'm a social anxious extrovert? So a huge part of me wants to put myself out there and be known and heard, but I have crazy amounts of anxiety around people. Writing seems like a safer way to put myself out there, or at least pretend I'm putting myself out there. I also think that maybe growing up the oldest of eight kids left me feeling kind of...invisible? That on top of being totally socially anxious at school, where I also felt invisible, might be reasons why I like to write about who I am.  It's also been such a life long quest for me to figure out who I even am. I am still on this journey. When I was younger I remember people always asking me why I was so quiet. And I distinctly remember at some point in my childhood a peer telling me I had "no personality." Which, well, to them I didn't. I was just that girl who never talked and was aw

 Here I go again, starting another blog. Consistency is not my thing, clearly. I have gone through all my blogs again and smiled and my young thoughts. I have been wanting to write again, but I keep trying to go with a theme, and I am just not the type of person that can focus on one theme. I like all the things. I want to talk about all the things. I wish I had more people to talk to, but I have a very tiny circle of friends and I don't want them to get sick of me talking because I could probably talk for HOURS about so many of these things because I am a nerd. So, I decided I need to start writing again as an outlet so I can be semi normal in conversations and not word vomit all over anyone who shows the vaguest of interest in me and my life. (And also it will help me give my poor sweet husband a break).  Another hang up I keep having as I start blog after blog is that I want it to be PERFECT. Perfect, dang it!! I want to have it researched with sources and convincing rhetoric an